Playing with fire

today I remembered

my flaws that is.

I remembered how broken I am.
Remembered how I used you all to fill my own cracks.
how lonely I really am, deep down.

where very few can understand.
i used to be really good at being a loner. ID hide my own little world in my own mind. hurt no one. they thought i was a freak.
but I didnt hurt them.

in 8th grade I let my mind excape.

by doing so I scarred a girl for maybe the rest of her life.
She hates me.

I saw her, in a play.
just a week ago

Beauty and the Beast.

(the beautiful of heart and the beast of skin.)

but i was the beast of heart.

I could not stand the play, for i could not stand knowing she was close.
knowing that just by her seeing me i would hurt her more.

i almost sent her a rose.

she had rose earings that i loved so much

she came on and I saw her.

First time in a
long
long
time.

i dont know if she saw me.
I saw her.
............................................
long ago she saw the real me.
and it killed her.
almost.

entirely my fault.

so a summer went by and I had to deal with knowing how i killed her, how every word, every look hurt her so much. the girl i "loved"

so into my head i went again!

Freshman year.

stayed in my head. still hurt people.

but something interested me.

a new girl.
(i later learned she was a friend of the first)

she trusted me with her heart and gave it to me.

in return i got excited and wanted to share mine with her.

but sadly I couldent find it.

so i let her into a bit of my mind.

she died too.
but was strong enough to live.

so i push her away.

let her smile and live, away from the boy who crushed her heart.

more guilt.

more love that cant be true, for how could i do that to you?

she promised not to love me. but she broke that promise.

so i broke her heart.

am i the only one that knowes to fear love?

i know i taught them to.

IF I truly loved someone, i should stay as far away as i can?

but then came a friend.

who tells me she loves me as she says goodbye.

so i ask her why.

but its fine.

i can not love her.

nor anyone.
not like that.
cause if i cared.

i would not let my self care.

cause ill just kill you too.

ill fill your ears of poetry

as i steal your heart with a kiss.

and for a moment youll feel bliss.
but ill flip.





i didnt believe in love.

untill i met you.
and still i forget it some times.
and,
you taught me so much
but... still...
i wish i had just one.
who could not love me.


and its sad all those who taught me so much.

have so much reason to go.

but its ok. I know.

ill just kill you too.

so please.

just go.